I fancy myself a writer. I'm not 100% sure on why, but the idea of being a published author just excites me so. I have this idea for a book... and it's a damn good one if I do say so myself.
I have started and stopped it 3 or 4 times now.
I have committed to several excuses on why I haven't finished it... the last one being pregnant with Pineapple. They are nothing but excuses because I have never before been able to admit to myself that it is actually fear.
There is the general fear that it will be horrible; that people will patronize me and tell me that it is great when it isn't. The fear that I will put myself out there and be rejected for it.
But there is something deeper... I am more afraid, more fearful, of actually succeeding.
That is crazy you say. "You don't want to succeed?"
It's not that. I want this piece of my heart to be the fantastic story I know that it is. I want to share this story, my story, with the world. This is the big one on my "Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda" list. I need to do this. But at the same time... in the same breath, I am truly petrified.
This year, I have made up my mind that I will complete this story. I will conquer this feeling of being inadequate.
I have to do this.
The Chef will hold me accountable and give me deadlines.
I will do this.