Good

After my recap last night with Slidell (We finished up Season One last night), I decided to try and write some fanfiction. I have been writing fanfic to help get the juices flowing, and to remind me that words ROCK! I have this idea... I have had it for a while... so I tried last night.

Yeah, nothing. Molly skipped town... again.

I said screw it, and started on It. You know which one I am talking about. It was hard at first, and I must have rewritten the first paragraph at least 4 or 5 times. There is a heavy worded, run on sentence in there where I take you on a tour of all the tenses. But I left it.

I left it and continued on.

Next thing I know, The Chef is up, and he is getting ready for work. I look at the clock. It's 6am.

Holy crap, it's 6 am.

Molly didn't leave, she just wanted me to write the real one.

The Chef asked me if I was up all night writing. I nodded. He gave me a smile and said "Good".

"Good"

The funny thing is, I do feel good. Sure I'm tired, but I did grab a couple of hours of sleep before the babes got up. Besides that is what coffee is for. Right?

I'm going to try and get some more in today... I need too, but I have to remember that the book is my part time job, and taking care of the house and kids is my full time one. That way I can keep everyone happy.

Because I like this... good.

The Plan Still Stands

I have a computer. Finally. Again.

It's wonderful. I have been able to really see what people are complaining about in Facebook. I have been able to respond to emails. I have been able to make comments on forums that I love...

And I have been able to write some fanfiction... which is just warm up.

The plan still stands. I will have my book written by the end of the year.

New Year, New Start, Same Old Characters

I fancy myself a writer. I'm not 100% sure on why, but the idea of being a published author just excites me so. I have this idea for a book... and it's a damn good one if I do say so myself.

I have started and stopped it 3 or 4 times now.

I have committed to several excuses on why I haven't finished it... the last one being pregnant with Pineapple. They are nothing but excuses because I have never before been able to admit to myself that it is actually fear.

There is the general fear that it will be horrible; that people will patronize me and tell me that it is great when it isn't. The fear that I will put myself out there and be rejected for it.

But there is something deeper... I am more afraid, more fearful, of actually succeeding.

That is crazy you say. "You don't want to succeed?"

It's not that. I want this piece of my heart to be the fantastic story I know that it is. I want to share this story, my story, with the world. This is the big one on my "Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda" list. I need to do this. But at the same time... in the same breath, I am truly petrified.

This year, I have made up my mind that I will complete this story. I will conquer this feeling of being inadequate.


I have to do this. 


The Chef will hold me accountable and give me deadlines. 


I will do this.