What I learned in 2011

Normally this post is about the awesome things that made this past year great. Unfortunately, 2011 had been a cruel master and I can only think of a handful of things that would make that list. So in keeping with the Top Ten tradition that has become my end of the year post, I give you this:

Top Ten Things I Learned in 2011

(in no particular order)

10. For every thing you do, there will always be someone telling you that it isn't good enough, you're not good enough, it was okay but it would have been better if you did it this way. If you let those people infect you, you too will become toxic. 

TL;DR Toxic people suck, and eventually they need to be cut out of your life like a limb that has gangrene. 

9.  Just because you acknowledge that things are the way that they are, doesn't mean that you have to be okay with it. You have every right to be upset, angry, and as disgusted. Coming to terms with the situation let's you actually move, and not just tread water. It's up to you if you move forward or backward.

TL;DR Acceptance isn't a synonym for capitulating.

8. My grandmother taught me not to hate people. She told me that it is easier to hate people than it is to love them. "Hate" she said, "is easy. It takes no energy. It is the laziest, loneliest way to live." I can honestly say that I have never felt that way towards anyone... until this year. She was right, HATE IS EASY. It was such a wonderful feeling, and I held onto it. Eventually though, I realized that by hating these people, it meant that I still cared. I was continuing to let them hurt me because I still cared enough to feel anything towards them, even if it was something as ugly as hatred. 

TL;DR Apathy is better than Hate.

7) I always say that "loyalty" is one of my negative traits. I love passionately, ferociously and with all of my being. Once you reach the inner circle and I call you friend, I am one of those people that will defend you even when I know you're wrong, and give you the last five dollars in my pocket. I have very friends who don't turn into family, and because once I love you, I give you my power. In 2011, two people used my love for them for toilet paper. After a while, the woman I have loved like a sister since I was old enough to remember, pointed out to me that I was keeping people at arms length, and pushing others away. She told me that I was overly guarded, like I couldn't trust her anymore. 

TL;DR Trust is a fragile thing.

6) Even as a child I have loved nail polish (even though I couldn't put any on in the house because my mom is severely allergic and it would send her straight into an asthma attack). They have always been weak, brittle things that pealed. One of the first things I did when I moved into my own place was buy nail polish, and I learned how to take care of my nails so they grow and be strong. It beome a ritual with me: Sunday night was mani/pedi night. Somewhere along the way this year, I just stopped doing it. Sunday just became another night, and I neglected them, night after night, week after week, and am now showing the wear. They are short, and frayed and just over all icky... and I put a coat of polish on them last night. I didn't buff them and smooth them out. I just slapped on a coat of clear and called it a night. But today, seeing them shine a little in the light, just knowing that it's there raised my mood immensely. I couldn't believe that I had stopped ever doing it. 

TL;DR Remember to do that one small thing that makes you happy.

5) When there is something dramatic going on in your life, it's all encompassing. It's all you can think about, it's all you can deal with, and you go to those closest to you, just so you don't have to hear your thoughts anymore. You talk with them, they do whatever their designated role is (listen/offer advice/etc.). You might even get a free beer or two out of the deal. Just be careful that you don't end up becoming that one guy at the office, or in your group who tells the same one story so many times that it can be recited it by memory.

TL;DR Shut up, people have their own stuff too.

4) After putting in over 140 job applications for anything and everything you can think of, and not getting a single face to face interview (if the emails saying you don't have the right qualifications to mop the floor don't make you scratch your head, how about the follow up phone call that basically said was that they aren't  getting hire you for a dish washer position because your husband is a chef. Yeah, that last one didn't happen to me, but to a friend), telling yourself that your state has an unemployment rate of 9% only works for so long. I did hear about a place, and I went in to talk to the guy. I'm a regular so he knows my face. I told him I needed a chance. He understood that. We'll wait and see, but it has been the most promising of things for a job outside of the house that I have had since I started looking for a job. 

TL;DR It really is who you know.

3) The Chef and I have never really had a 2 year old, meaning that what people have described as the "Terrible Twos" I have never witnessed first hand. Pineapple has decided to show us all of the great times we were missing out on. She throws tantrums. She is stubborn. She will make herself cry and blame her brothers. She will make herself cry and blame the dog. She eats one thing at dinner, but has to have everything on her plate. She thinks that "no" applies to everyone but her. She wants what you have until you give it to her, and then she gives it to the dog. She gets mad if you don't do whatever it is she wants you to do Right. This. Second. She will make herself cry and blame her sister. She will ride our American Bulldog like a pony (I blame the dog for this because the dog lets her). She is frustratingly adorable, and there has been many a day this past year that she has made me smile despite all of the problems. 

TL;DR A babies laugh can make everything right in the world.

2) When things were at it's worse this year, The Chef and I had many a well wisher say to us, "There's always a light at the end of the tunnel." (It's been turned off due to budget cuts.), "It could be worse" (You're right. It could be. Check back with me tomorrow and I'll tell you how it got worse.), and the classic "Things will get better." (Yeah, I know this, but that doesn't really help me today now does it?) But during all of it, one of my dearest friends reminded me why I love her as much as I do. I was talking to her on the phone, and told her of the latest crisis that had happened. To which she responded with "You're life sucks, Alicia. It just blows." She wasn't being sarcastic, she meant it. She wasn't being mean, she was just stating fact. I can't tell you have happy it made me for her not to blow smoke, and just be with me, for me, 1000% on my side. We have always been candid with each other, and we are always on each other's side.

TL;DR You need that 100% honest friend who will always have your back.

1) We did experience a grand act of kindness this year. It wasn't asked for but offered. It's hard to remember that there is good things, good people in your world, when the universe is busy knocking your feet out from underneath you (did I mention that it likes to point and laugh at you too?). It was something that in the grand scheme of things didn't really matter, but it mattered to us. 

TL;DR Even when the light is off at the end of the tunnel, sometimes people come by with a flashight. 

Don't worry (or I won't talk about this too often)

I, like the rest of the country last night, watched as President Obama addressed us, and told us that our nation's No. 1 Bad Guy was taken out by an elite Navy SEAL team. I sat with The Chef, my jaw slightly agape because of the shock. I figured that Osama bin Laden had died years ago, in a cave because his kidneys gave out.

Once the "WTF" moment had worn off, I looked at him and jokingly said, "bin Laden has been dead for months! Barry (because that is what I would like to call Obama around my house) drug him out to start the reelection campaign!"

I am one of those people who believe that just because you can't see them, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.(I kid, I kid). But in all honesty, I wanted to keep my burn phone because "The Man" didn't know who I was (Yeah uh, I'm not kidding about that one).

But I never thought for a fraction of a second that other people out there ACTUALLY believed that Barry pulled a stunt like that. The theories I have seen plastered all over the Internet range from, "Oh that was perfect timing. /snark" to "I keep seeing Usama bin Laden on the news. They killed the wrong man." to "They are dumping his body in the ocean because Obama doesn't want us to see the body. I smell a cover up."

And there is lots of praise and relief talk going on too. Posts that I have read (granted this is just on Facebook and twitter) cover the spectrum from "I am at peace now. Thank you President Obama." to "Don't forget Bush started it." to "Bush may have started it, but Obama finished it." to my own status on Facebook this morning "Obama executed the order, the SEALs executed the man" to a personal favorite "All told, it is a victory. That being said, I would have liked Ducky to examine the body."

Yes, I have a point and I am getting there... give me a minute.

Which brings me to a lively little conversation I had on a friend's status with another one of her friends. (Confession: I love to talk politics, and I love it even more when the person I am having the conversation with doesn't necessarily agree with me. Anyway...) Her status message said something along the lines of,"Glad he's dead, now do something about the gas prices." Being in the somewhat snarky mood I am in this morning, I piped in with "He'll do something closer to election time." (Ok, I said something about pushing the green agenda too) which led us to "Bush kinda sort did this to us (the economy) to "Um... kinda sorta, but the bubble that bust and flung crap every where was actually started under the Clinton administration." which ultimately brought us around to how the 2 party system in this country is beyond broke. Then we all agreed though that third party candidates have souls, which is why the electoral college ignores them.

I'm almost there, give me another second.

We then started talking about how the majority of Americans in this country are sheep. We are too worried about upsetting the guy sitting next to us, so we just sit back and gobble all of the bull that we are handed. No one stands up anymore and and screams at the top of their lungs "Shenanigans!" We as citizens started down the slippery path into blind acceptance on 9/12/01. We were shocked. We were scared. We had just witnessed the unbelievable. Someone attacked us. And instead of holding the powers that be responsible for not blasting Afghanistan back into the Dark Ages (Electromagnetic Pulse anyone?), at the time when our leaders should have shown the world exactly how big the USA's testicles were, when we, as a society, should have DEMANDED IT, we just sat in our homes, wringing our hands together in worry, wondering when it was going to happen again.

And blindly swallowed everything our government handed us.

On October 26, 2001 The Patriot Act went into effect. The hive mind of this country accepted the stripping of some of the most basic civil liberties that made this country great, and they did it so readily. If you said, "Um... wait a second." You were questioned. "If you have nothing to hide, why does it bother you?" You were dismissed as an "uneducated quack" but worst of all you were called unpatriotic, and you remember, being called unpatriotic then was the equivalent to being a terrorist sympathizer and saying that we had it coming (Yeah, I have a first hand account of all of that).

We are failing ourselves. Even though we don't believe that politicians are honest, we still vote them into office time and time again. Even though we think it's over the line that a six year old is assaulted by searched by a TSA officer, what are we doing to take back our power as proud, strong, patriotic Americans?

We are just sitting on our couches, playing Farmville on Facebook, wondering about what can be cut out of our budgets just so we can put gas in our car to get to work, that is if you are one of the lucky ones to even have a job. We are swallowing our pride and standing in line at a food bank for a handout. We are wrapped up in our personal problems, that we aren't really paying attention to exactly what our elected officers are doing.

And that's just the way they like it.

New Year, New Tag Line

I should have known better than to put in a tag line that wouldn't fully describe what exactly this blog is about. It's my ramblings, it was supposed to be about me and not so much the babes, but yeah right.

Because see, I am a stay at home mom. My job... which in turn is my life... is taking care of those 4 little bodies. And with The Chef opening his own place...

Oh, did I mention that?

90% of my readers know me. They also know that The Chef opened his own restaurant. But for the fraction that stumble upon this blog either by link or clicking that "Next Blog" button at the top of blogger, they may not know. But yeah, He did.

The Restaurant

Since Jelly has been 3, The Chef has worked a normal 9-5 dig. He was the executive chef at a local hospital and was in charge of any and all food. It was stability, it was weekends off, it was nights free, it was boring. He was going to crazy because well, he was better than that... and knew it. The stars aligned properly, and a half drunken conversation ended up with a restaurant.

HOLY CRAP what did we get ourselves into?

It hasn't been quite a month since the doors have been open, and it's been a massive adjustment for all of us. Jelly told his teacher that he "Doesn't get to see his dad that much, except for on the weekends" which meant that I had to explain to them that The Chef and I didn't split up, it's just that he's working. The threat of "Wait until your dad gets home" has become null and void, and I have to take them all to hockey practice.

So as the new year begins, I decided to change the tag line to more accurately describe what you will read here. Sure, my ramblings will be included, but it is about "Mom" me more than anything else. It's about being a single parent without really being one. It'll be about how I deal with it all... the ups and downs, and even the sideways...

It's just another's account on life.