I am not usually one for New Years Resolutions. They last for about a week, if that long, and then get tossed aside. So, this is not a New Years Resolution post. This is a post about the things that have happened in the last year, and the ways I can improve on them. This is a post about the ways that I can help my family, the ways I can help me.
One year ago, Pineapple wasn't even a dirty thought in my head. I had given up on the idea of having another baby. The Chef and I started to talk about it, and we decided to take the plunge. This year, I will take care of her, and love her with everything I have in me. Some nights days it is hard, but it is just the two of us getting to know each other. She is a beautiful, wonderful little creature, and I am so glad that she picked me.
Over the past year, I have watched Butter start to come into his own. He will never be the most popular kid. He will never be the most athletic. He will never like school like he used too. But that is okay. He has one of the biggest hearts I have ever met. He is stumbling through, trying to find his footing, but he has a good hand hold. He is the one that we make mistakes with, but that is the right of being the first born. This year, I will try to remember that he is still only a little boy who is entering that awkward stage. I will try my damnedest to not be so hard on him, and to expect the world from him.
Over the past year, I have needed to hold onto Jelly more than I should have. I was so scared that he would feel displaced with his baby sister, I treated him so much younger than what he was. This year, I will treat him like he is the awesome 5 year old that he is. I will hold him responsible for his actions and not make excuses for him.
Over the past year, I have demanded so much from Banana. She has always been older than her age, and I have treated her as such for too many years. Being my daughter is hard... I expect her to wear dresses and beat up boys. I expect nothing less from her than to be her best. This year, I will try and remember that she is still a little girl, a little girl who tries so hard to live up to my expectations. I will let her lead the way, and just offer to help smooth out the bumps if she needs me too. She is my heart, and the one that causes the most "Mommy Guilt", through no fault of her own, and I will remember that. I need to remember that.
And finally... over the past year, I have disappointed The Chef in more ways than I could possibly imagine. Yes, I did have his baby, but while I was pregnant I went crazy. My brain just shut off, and I, singlehandedly, could have destroyed our lives... and everything that he had given us. My husband being the man that he is, just took me in his arms and loved me even more. He was my foundation when I collapsed. This year, I will try and be better. I will be the wife that he so deserves.
No resolutions, just affirmations. A game plan if you will. These are promises that I have made to myself... promises that I know I will keep. Welcome 2010. I embrace you with open arms.
